Welcome to part 4 in a 7-part blog series exploring the A.I.M. for Effectiveness© journey — told through real-life stories.
Each post explores a different part of the A.I.M. approach — Awareness, Integration, and Modelling — and how these show up in the mess and magic of daily life.
If you’ve only just joined us, you can catch up by clicking on the links at the bottom.
Keep reading — these aren’t just concepts. They’re human experiences, and maybe you’ll see yourself in the stories we share.
From Awareness to Integration: Part 1 of Step 2 in the A.I.M. for Effectiveness© Journey
But what if someone — or something — from your past walks into the room before you do?
Let me tell you a story...
Mira was a brilliant team leader.
Smart, capable and emotionally intelligent. On paper, she ticked all the boxes, but she’d been noticing a pattern. Every time she had a one-on-one with Leo, her new team member, something strange happened.
Leo was sharp and quietly confident.
He rarely accepted things at face value. Instead, he probed — always calm, always respectful — but with a tone that could feel like a spotlight. He wanted to understand why decisions were made, how conclusions were drawn. Not to undermine, but to clarify.
And every time he did, Mira could feel a rising tightness in her chest. Her jaw clenched, her breath shortened. She felt exposed, like she was back in the line of fire, expected to have all the answers.
She didn’t like who she became in those moments.
Leo had barely opened his mouth when it started again. His tone was calm, his words reasonable, but Mira could feel it creeping in: the inner contraction, the clenching in her stomach, the heat behind her eyes. A tension in her jaw she hadn’t noticed until that moment.
She was halfway through an eye-roll when she caught it.
Not just the behaviour — the feeling.
Her hands were clenched.
Her chest was tight.
She felt... small, cornered and on the defence.
And suddenly — bam — there it was.
She was no longer across the desk from Leo. She was ten years old, sitting at the kitchen table with her father, who was grilling her about why she didn’t get top marks in maths.
It was the same feeling, the same tightening and the same instinct to shut down or fight back. Her body had remembered what her mind hadn’t yet caught.
This time, something different happened.
She didn’t override the feeling. She didn’t shove it away or try to stay "professional."
Instead, she took a breath — not just any breath, but one that reached deep into the place in her belly where that tension lived.
And in that breath, she allowed herself to fully feel the emotion without reacting from it.
Then came the question, not rehearsed, but real “Whose voice am I hearing right now?”
Not Leo’s.
Her father’s.
And just like that, Mira was back in the now. Anchored, awake and able to see the difference between then and now.
That moment of recognition — “This isn’t Leo, this is Dad” — opened a door.
Mira didn’t just understand the dynamic, she felt the emotional charge in her body and stayed present with it. And, instead of letting the old pattern run the show, something else took the lead.
Her Integrating Adult¹ became active.
What made the difference was that Mira didn’t just experience the insight. She acted on it in a way that was appropriate, effective, and aligned with the present moment.
This is Functional Fluency: The Integrating Adult in action².
It’s about using awareness to choose behaviour that works — behaviour that’s fluent, intentional, and contextually effective.
This time, Mira didn’t brace, she didn’t defend.
Instead, she softened her jaw, unclenched her hands, and met Leo’s eyes.
Then she said, calmly:
“That’s a fair question. Let’s explore it.”
And just like that, the energy shifted.
Leo felt seen and respected.
Mira felt grounded and aligned.
No drama, no damage control. Just connection and clarity.
Mira still noticed the familiar tension inside her.
But this time, she didn’t act from it - she acted from choice.
That’s not just insight.
That’s integration. That’s effectiveness. That’s leadership.
Mira had done a lot of inner work already. She knew she was being triggered. But awareness, in hindsight, can only take you so far.
Without in-the-moment integration, it’s like having the map but missing the terrain beneath your feet.
What Mira needed was more than a concept. She needed a felt connection. A capacity to pause, zoom out, and get curious through her body, not just her mind.
In the A.I.M. for Effectiveness Accelerator©, the “I” stands for Integrate — bringing your self-awareness into alignment with your actions.
It’s about connecting your inner world (needs, values, triggers, desires) to your outer behaviour.
It’s not just about knowing what you’re doing. It’s about understanding why, and choosing how you want to show up instead.
It’s the invisible but vital bridge between insight and transformation, and it’s often built in small, potent moments like the one Mira experienced.
When Mira reflected later, she saw the gold in that moment. She had stayed present, even while being triggered. She had recognised the old behavioural script playing out.
But most importantly, she didn’t act from that script.
Instead, she responded as her Integrating Adult Self — aware, intentional, and congruent.
Leo noticed the shift. He felt heard, their relationship improved, and Mira felt a quiet sense of pride — not for being perfect, but for catching herself in the act and making a different choice.
Integrating isn’t a one-time achievement, it’s a practice.
It's a daily dance between the past (and the future) and the present, between awareness and choice and between automatic reactivity and intentional response.
It’s about seeing the old patterns when they rear their heads and gently, but firmly, saying:
“Thank you for trying to protect me. I’ve got it from here.”
This is the heart of integration — the second step in the AIM for Effectiveness© approach: turning self-awareness into intentional, aligned action.
In our next blog, we’ll explore how your nervous system shapes your behaviour — especially under stress — and why learning to self-regulate from the bottom up is key to staying calm, clear, and connected when it matters most.
But for now, maybe ask yourself:
Leona Bishop
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Footnotes
¹ The concept of the “Integrating Adult” was introduced by Keith Tudor and Graeme Summers in the field of Co-Creative Transactional Analysis.
² Susannah Temple described Functional Fluency as “the Integrating Adult in action” — bringing self-awareness through active reality-assessment into effective behavioural choice in the here and now.
Other blogs in this series:
Blog 1: What if you could lead your life with intention?
Blog 2: Awareness – Rewriting the stories that keep you stuck
Blog 3: Why mastering yourself is the hardest and most transformative skill of all
